As I near my "forever birthday" as I like to call it... I have been reflecting about where I have came from, what I aim to be, and what defines me. I could fill a novel with my adventures-and I have...more the question would be, would anyone wanna read it?
I turn 39yrs old Saturday... I could be in denial slightly. How the hell did I get to this age? Where did the time go? I've managed to only attend ONE class reunion--or the "Bald & The Bloated" ...just one...were there others?-you know...to warn me that I was getting older? I feel like I have accomplished nothing... I've manged to have several bad jobs, bad credit and even two bad marriages...that's gotta be a record somewhere. Who's a winner?! Charisma is a winner!
I think what I have concluded after 39yrs on this rock, is the following: quit trying to be HAPPY...I want content. To constantly search for happiness is exhausting and it suggests that the wonderful shiny, happy feeling can also "come down"...and then where are you? Content, now that is a movement I can get behind...don't confuse content with mediocrity...there is a difference. Think of a kitten soaking up sun on a windowsill...think of a bumblebee landing on each flower, for just a minute-and then moving on....think of that moment when you start to drift to sleep...ahhh content.
I've had a lot of chaos in my life...events that defined who I am-whether I wanted it to or not. I've been crazy happy--so happy that I couldn't breathe...and like a fickle friend--happiness leaves me...and the let down begins. Like an addict I am searching again...happy...happy... HAPPY. Do you find happiness in the simple things? Do you find happiness in your children? Do you find happiness in your mate? Bad news: simple things are great, and we can all be a martyr and talk about how much we love them--but do we slow down? Nope. Your children will grow, and they will leave...your left staring at papermache art, and pottery for cigarette butts-when you don't smoke. God forbid--never find happiness in your mate...why? Because they are HUMAN as well...and they will let you down...and your happy will falter.
So I am starting a new stage in my life of finding contentment in my life...the little things in my life make me content- I enjoy the quiet moments when I can do what I want, and nobody "needs" me. My children make me content...I can mold them into these little creatures--and thrust them out into the world with all the knowledge I have, all the morals I wish to instill...and I am content in knowing--they will be just fine. I have yet to master contentment with a mate...and maybe I AM content because I KNOW this--I'm not out hunting feverishly for that happy, perfect relationship...I am content with loving me-whether a man does or not.
So if your content and you know it--clap your hands...hell scream it from the rooftops. Be careful of that "happy high"...don't put a price on it, don't sell your soul for it, and finally don't DEFINE yourself by the happiness of others. When someone says "yeh but are you happy?"...I'm going to blind them with a smile, a twinkle in my eye and say "No, I am content...its so wonderful, I haven't had to take a hit off the happy pipe in days...I just breathe it in...content."
Hmmm 39yrs old...and I am content.
Philippians 4:12-13 (The Message)
ReplyDeleteContent Whatever the Circumstances
10-14I'm glad in God, far happier than you would ever guess—happy that you're again showing such strong concern for me. Not that you ever quit praying and thinking about me. You just had no chance to show it. Actually, I don't have a sense of needing anything personally. I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. I don't mean that your help didn't mean a lot to me—it did. It was a beautiful thing that you came alongside me in my troubles.
That was a passage from a modern interpretation of the bible called the message. I thought I would share it with you.
Happy Birthday. :)