Monday, February 14, 2011

If Your Happy And You Know It...Never Mind.

As I near my "forever birthday" as I like to call it... I have been reflecting about where I have came from, what I aim to be, and what defines me.  I could fill a novel with my adventures-and I have...more the question would be, would anyone wanna read it?

I turn 39yrs old Saturday... I could be in denial slightly.  How the hell did I get to this age? Where did the time go? I've managed to only attend ONE class reunion--or the "Bald & The Bloated" ...just one...were there others?-you warn me that I was getting older?   I feel like I have accomplished nothing... I've manged to have several bad jobs, bad credit and even two bad marriages...that's gotta be a record somewhere.  Who's a winner?! Charisma is a winner!

I think what I have concluded after 39yrs on this rock, is the following: quit trying to be HAPPY...I want content.  To constantly search for happiness is exhausting and it suggests that the wonderful shiny, happy feeling can also "come down"...and then where are you?  Content, now that is a movement I can get behind...don't confuse content with mediocrity...there is a difference. Think of a kitten soaking up sun on a windowsill...think of a bumblebee landing on each flower, for just a minute-and then moving on....think of that moment when you start to drift to sleep...ahhh content.

I've had a lot of chaos in my that defined who I am-whether I wanted it to or not.  I've been crazy happy--so happy that I couldn't breathe...and like a fickle friend--happiness leaves me...and the let down begins.  Like an addict I am searching again...happy...happy... HAPPY.  Do you find happiness in the simple things?  Do you find happiness in your children?  Do you find happiness in your mate?  Bad news: simple things are great, and we can all be a martyr and talk about how much we love them--but do we slow down? Nope.  Your children will grow, and they will leave...your left staring at papermache art, and pottery for cigarette butts-when you don't smoke.  God forbid--never find happiness in your mate...why? Because they are HUMAN as well...and they will let you down...and your happy will falter.

So I am starting a new stage in my life of finding contentment in my life...the little things in my life make me content- I enjoy the quiet moments when I can do what I want, and nobody "needs" me.  My children make me content...I can mold them into these little creatures--and thrust them out into the world with all the knowledge I have, all the morals I wish to instill...and I am content in knowing--they will be just fine.  I have yet to master contentment with a mate...and maybe I AM content because I KNOW this--I'm not out hunting feverishly for that happy, perfect relationship...I am content with loving me-whether a man does or not.

So if your content and you know it--clap your hands...hell scream it from the rooftops. Be careful of that "happy high"...don't put a price on it, don't sell your soul for it, and finally don't DEFINE yourself by the happiness of others. When someone says "yeh but are you happy?"...I'm going to blind them with a smile, a twinkle in my eye and say "No, I am content...its so wonderful, I haven't had to take a hit off the happy pipe in days...I just breathe it in...content."

Hmmm 39yrs old...and I am content.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

REMIX: As Seen On FB 11/04/09- For My Non-FB Friends :)

As I prepare for the animal version of my 12 Randomly Planned Acts Of Kindness...I am sharing an "incident" that occurred 11/04/ has become some what of a cult hit.  However I suspect it is more about the people that truly know me--can picture this completely. I am a dork...true story. So this is for everyone that I am NOT friends with on FB...Enjoy! PS~ Sorry in advance for the profanity, I was a little traumatized when I wrote this :)

As most of you know, I have long suspected that I am the Dr. Kevorkian of the animal world...little squirrels, opossums, raccoons, and such love to plant their asses in front of my vehicles and have me end their little most of you know...I have a phobia of farm animals, big tongued cows, horses ready to trample...and goats...well goats are the devils kittens--no other way to explain that....

So today I am doing my drive into West Lafayette from Attica, through Pine Village and 26W....I am sipping on my delicious fountain Coke and jamming to some 93.5....I was at the point on 26W where you can turn right and go to Green Hill, or left and go to Otterbein...where the Road Closed sign is (that I completely ignore every morning)...and then it happened....

A perfectly healthy deer comes springing onto the road---I had one of those moments right before it hit my right front side--"Man that f*cker is hauling ass" I don’t have reflexes like a ninja ok?...anyways...I "clip" it with my right headlight does the good ole Stop Drop And Roll into the field....

I get out of the van--shaking and furious...muttering "Stupid damn animals!!!"....I look and there is NO DAMAGE to the van...nothing...not even a clump of fur...nada, nothing. So then I smile, and think "Sh*t Charisma, its all good"....then I turn my head and look into the field...and it is laying there on its side...not moving...nada, nothing.

I was pretty sure there is some "official" number you are suppose to call when you hit a deer...but I have only hit one before this...and my ex husband made me drive back to where it was, placed its dead, bleeding carcass on the hood of my car--where he also rode--so that he could eat it...Ummm in my world that falls under "road kill"...don’t care what you say.

I sit in the van staring out into the field, trying to figure out who the hell I would call...and I swear I see it's little foot move...Now...this is where the story takes a sketchy turn....for some reason--and I still do not know why...I think I need to get out, trudge into the field and "check out the deer"....What the hell I think I am going to do with it---I don’t know...have a I suddenly developed healing hands??? I am after all Kevorkian not friggin Doolittle.

I go out to the field, and I am talking under my breath and saying soothing things...cuz you know deer like that (???)...."Hey little buddy....sorry didn’t mean to clip van is fine, you should be fine alright Bambi?"....Now...once again...I must reiterate...I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT I WAS THINKING...I reach down and get about an inch from touching it....its eyes have been open this whole time--and no breathing that I can see....

AND THAT SON OF A (BEEP!) SHOOTS UP LIKE IT IS CARRYING THE DAMN OLYMPIC TORCH IN ITS HOOF AND IS GOING FOR GOLD!!!! didn’t fart, wheeze or cough when it took off...meanwhile I am pretty sure I did all of those things--and I hit the ground like I had been shot.

I am now laying on my a cornfield...pretty sure I pissed myself a little...screaming obscenities at the runaway deer...traffic on 26W is driving by....I lay there for maybe 5minutes...because I am old, and out of shape and I just know I am going to have a heart attack...then it hits me--- It was a decoy...the other deer’s are waiting in the other part of the cornfield that has not been plowed...and they are hungry for stupid human today....that gets me off my back.

As I am heaving myself up and shaking the various corn parts off of me...I see a semi loaded with grain, pull up to my van....I mean...really?...I am sure I looked completely deranged cussing, and stomping through the field...I had already decided that if God wanted to use my vehicle as the Kevorkian-Mobile...then it was possessed and nothing could destroy it--I was going to get in it, drive tthrough that field and hit that stupid deer again--and mean it this time!

The driver leans out his window and says (with a mouthful of SKOAL) "You got some troubles?"....I start giggling, and it sounded crazy even in my own ears...I say to him "You would not believe it if I told you."....he then says...."Well if you’re going to pull over to piss, you should try further down the field where it ain't plowed honey."...I look at him all indignant and say "I was NOT pissing..I was laying down thank you very much!!!"....then I stomp to my van and get in.

Roysdon/Struthers family eating ALOT of deer this year...even if I have to go off road to get me one.

Have a great day everyone....

Friday, February 4, 2011

Me, Myself & My Double Chin

 I started my diet today and have already been at my wits end about how to choose food correctly.  If I had my way I wouldn't eat at all...but apparently that isn't healthy.  People will tell you not to starve yourself, it will mess up your metabolism...Hmmm well models don't eat--they look like they survive on cigarettes and Spearmint gum.  My metabolism has been in a feud with my body since I was 10yrs old--and it is winning.

I have always said I am the heaviest anorexic you will ever meet.  It is a daily battle for me to eat 3 meals a day...I am always thinking "if I eat that much--can you only imagine how huge I would be?!".  I did the yo-yo dieting as a teenager.  My Mom was always on some kind of diet, and hell- I considered her thin, so if she was worried--then I better be damn well scared to death of my weight!  Mom and I have discussed this a lot...because now I have a daughter who is considered UNDERWEIGHT. Are you serious? I have learned that there is just as much pressure to STAY thin as there is to LOSE the weight.  My daughter has made her "thinness" become part of who she is....this makes me sad.  So I know I must stop the cycle of unhealthy eating habits now, before another generation is lost to it.  I think this is an extremely common occurrence in mother/daughter relationships. As she has grown up I have thought to myself : "Who is this long legged, thin blonde? Surely there is a tall, thin, blonde woman looking down at a short chubby redheaded child thinking the same thing."...was there a switch at delivery?

The only loves of my life besides my kids? Ohhh you know, the usual suspects--carb, carb, and more carbs.  I'm not even an Equal Opportunity Eater--I stick with the whites...bread, potatoes, pasta.  I snub my nose at green, brown and bright food...if its not drenched in sauce or butter--well quite frankly it is below me...I'm a food snob.

There will be some casualties with this diet...I will most likely be snappy...I will most likely binge...and if I can make it happen--it will be the death of my double chin. I lost approx 3-4lbs in boob alone approx. 3yrs ago, I thought "wow I can wear tank tops now and not look like a blow up doll!"....nope...I got fat. The Boob-To-Belly Ratio as I like to call it, was gone...when you walk around with 38DDD's like I did--that waist always looks thin...but now I see belly. Sigh...

So I am sure I will continue to write about this struggle...I have done all the diets, pills, work outs...but at the end of the day--I eat my feelings...and well...they are delicious :) I need to close for now, there is a big 'ole rice cake calling my name...I love those foam peanuts, I'm sure it is going to taste very similar. Yay me!

Monday, January 31, 2011

E: Is For Eternity, Eager and Elderly...12 RPAK Series...

I decided today to stop in at the nursing home to put in some more credit towards my "emotional community service hours"...I always walk in with the feeling of something unexpected is going to happen...I don't know if unexpected in my mind is seeing random old people wheeling around in the hallway (I like to secretly imagine them playing like a Mad Max ThunderDome wheelchair derby) or God forbid walking by a room and knowing someone has passed away.

I have a fear of elderly people...with good reason-anyone that follows my Facebook knows why.  But also because I have a fear of speaking to someone who potentially knows everything--like EVERYTHING. I am scared I am going to ask something stupid or offensive...hell I do that with people in everyday life let alone national treasures in a local nursing home.

So I was told to go visit a lady down the hall, who they felt could use the company and would hopefully not die, scream profanities (although I would have LOVED that) or call me by a long lost grand-daughters name.  I wont say the lady's name to protect her identity--as well as her families...who I might add--I do not know. So no fears everybody--your grandma was not chilling with my kooky ass today.

I came in the I always do--very nervous and kinda doing this weird high pitch giggle that I tend to do when usually happens at funerals. I am sure if that particular tidbit gets out--I will not be received as positively and be known as the Giggling Angel Of Death from that point on.

Anyways..."Bettie" as we will call sitting in her room, watching Maury--I like her instantly because of this. I ask her quietly "Bettie--the nurses said you may like some company, may I sit down?". I figured if all else fails and she didn't talk I could watch Maury and find out if that one chick had to test another 37 men to find that baby Daddy. Win win scenario.

Bettie turns her head and looks in my direction but doesn't speak...I walk closer...she holds her hand out...I am now in full blown she blind? Crap...not because she is blind--but because I hate worrying about if I am screaming at her....because YES we all do it--admit it. Hellooo she's BLIND not DEAF.

I am now right next to her bed debating on touching her hand--she is looking right through me...I say "Bettie--I'm sorry, can you see me?"...she says...and I am not even joking- "Well of course I can--but your wearing a camo sweatshirt and you don't look like you hunt, so I thought maybe you didn't want to be seen!"...yep...I have won the old lady lottery. I plop my butt down and begin to bond with the elder version of my smart ass self.

Bettie and I talked for well over an hour...we talked about love, kids, politics (boy oh boy that was a hoot) and back to family. See, Bettie's family does not come and see her...they live far away, and in her opinion they wouldn't "come see me even if they were close by-because they are assholes"...(score!)...She told me not to wait for the love of my life...I needed to go find him, to think of it like finding that perfect dress...fits great, looks good on you, and it never loses its appeal....yep...she giggled alot while talking about this--and I have a feeling Bettie was talking more about anatomy then love for a dress.

She had me in awe...I knew I was in the presence of someone who had experienced life, and now...was experiencing the end of it. She had loved...she was a proud mother ("even if they are assholes")...she could make the best bread in IL...and she knew that if you don't laugh at least once a day-you will die. A theory I have subscribed to most of my life...besides I cry horrible...remember Facebook friends--"snot bubbles"...yeh I said it, Pam Sichts. :)

I had a moment driving to work where I realized she had a made a point to tell me to slow will slip between your fingers...and we all know this--but to have it said by someone who is experiencing it currently...and wondering when the end is near....powerful.

We have become a world of "hurry!hurry! wait!" as I like to call it...rush, rush, rush...we tap dance in front of the microwave...we download songs/movies before they are released...we have CHILDREN having sex--if you are under 20yrs old--you are a child, get over it....why are you in such a hurry to experience something that doesn't even begin to make sense until your in your 30's (yeh girls...think about that for a second)...hurry and give our kids cell the hell did we make it??? Oh yeh--when the street lights came on in the summer, I got on my bike and took my happy ass home. Period! Pushing our children to adulthood as fast as we can...and pushing ourselves to never learn patience.

So before you go out and buy the fastest technology, the quickest cooking time, and complain about an early release movie not being early enough...go to the nursing home. I guarantee you will walk a little slower, love more thorough, and hold hands with your loved ones-instead of racing each other through life. There is no contest to get to the end of your life fastest...its called death--and its permanent.

I ask her if I can come see her again...her reply? "Sure kid, but next time bring chocolate."...and I will...and we will sit and eat every square as slow as we can.

Friday, January 21, 2011

12 Acts Of Randomly Planned Acts Of Kindness

Update: I will get the van back sometime in the next couple of days...there are no words to express how thankful I am. There was $1200.00 raised to help me-SO since I was threatened to not think about trying to repay this--I have came up with a solution, that will keep the "pay it forward" attitude going. For every $100 raised (which is 12) I am donating/volunteering an hour of my time to a charity.

I need each one of you to help me with this....I would like suggestions about where I should be sent next...I will be "blogging" and posting pictures about my volunteer YOU guys control my destiny...Do you have a charity that you know needs help??? I am very creative, and I know I can help!!! So please--post your suggestions on my wall--along with maybe a story as to why you want me there....I am excited and anxious to begin this journey of repayment!

I think its going to be fun, and I am excited about it...we have been shown how the power of FB can be used for GOOD--not just friggin DRAMA---Soooooo now I am going to post once a month about my adventure and what I did :)...and you know it will have the "warped twist of Charisma" to it ;-p