Monday, February 14, 2011

If Your Happy And You Know It...Never Mind.

As I near my "forever birthday" as I like to call it... I have been reflecting about where I have came from, what I aim to be, and what defines me.  I could fill a novel with my adventures-and I have...more the question would be, would anyone wanna read it?

I turn 39yrs old Saturday... I could be in denial slightly.  How the hell did I get to this age? Where did the time go? I've managed to only attend ONE class reunion--or the "Bald & The Bloated" ...just one...were there others?-you warn me that I was getting older?   I feel like I have accomplished nothing... I've manged to have several bad jobs, bad credit and even two bad marriages...that's gotta be a record somewhere.  Who's a winner?! Charisma is a winner!

I think what I have concluded after 39yrs on this rock, is the following: quit trying to be HAPPY...I want content.  To constantly search for happiness is exhausting and it suggests that the wonderful shiny, happy feeling can also "come down"...and then where are you?  Content, now that is a movement I can get behind...don't confuse content with mediocrity...there is a difference. Think of a kitten soaking up sun on a windowsill...think of a bumblebee landing on each flower, for just a minute-and then moving on....think of that moment when you start to drift to sleep...ahhh content.

I've had a lot of chaos in my that defined who I am-whether I wanted it to or not.  I've been crazy happy--so happy that I couldn't breathe...and like a fickle friend--happiness leaves me...and the let down begins.  Like an addict I am searching again...happy...happy... HAPPY.  Do you find happiness in the simple things?  Do you find happiness in your children?  Do you find happiness in your mate?  Bad news: simple things are great, and we can all be a martyr and talk about how much we love them--but do we slow down? Nope.  Your children will grow, and they will leave...your left staring at papermache art, and pottery for cigarette butts-when you don't smoke.  God forbid--never find happiness in your mate...why? Because they are HUMAN as well...and they will let you down...and your happy will falter.

So I am starting a new stage in my life of finding contentment in my life...the little things in my life make me content- I enjoy the quiet moments when I can do what I want, and nobody "needs" me.  My children make me content...I can mold them into these little creatures--and thrust them out into the world with all the knowledge I have, all the morals I wish to instill...and I am content in knowing--they will be just fine.  I have yet to master contentment with a mate...and maybe I AM content because I KNOW this--I'm not out hunting feverishly for that happy, perfect relationship...I am content with loving me-whether a man does or not.

So if your content and you know it--clap your hands...hell scream it from the rooftops. Be careful of that "happy high"...don't put a price on it, don't sell your soul for it, and finally don't DEFINE yourself by the happiness of others. When someone says "yeh but are you happy?"...I'm going to blind them with a smile, a twinkle in my eye and say "No, I am content...its so wonderful, I haven't had to take a hit off the happy pipe in days...I just breathe it in...content."

Hmmm 39yrs old...and I am content.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

REMIX: As Seen On FB 11/04/09- For My Non-FB Friends :)

As I prepare for the animal version of my 12 Randomly Planned Acts Of Kindness...I am sharing an "incident" that occurred 11/04/ has become some what of a cult hit.  However I suspect it is more about the people that truly know me--can picture this completely. I am a dork...true story. So this is for everyone that I am NOT friends with on FB...Enjoy! PS~ Sorry in advance for the profanity, I was a little traumatized when I wrote this :)

As most of you know, I have long suspected that I am the Dr. Kevorkian of the animal world...little squirrels, opossums, raccoons, and such love to plant their asses in front of my vehicles and have me end their little most of you know...I have a phobia of farm animals, big tongued cows, horses ready to trample...and goats...well goats are the devils kittens--no other way to explain that....

So today I am doing my drive into West Lafayette from Attica, through Pine Village and 26W....I am sipping on my delicious fountain Coke and jamming to some 93.5....I was at the point on 26W where you can turn right and go to Green Hill, or left and go to Otterbein...where the Road Closed sign is (that I completely ignore every morning)...and then it happened....

A perfectly healthy deer comes springing onto the road---I had one of those moments right before it hit my right front side--"Man that f*cker is hauling ass" I don’t have reflexes like a ninja ok?...anyways...I "clip" it with my right headlight does the good ole Stop Drop And Roll into the field....

I get out of the van--shaking and furious...muttering "Stupid damn animals!!!"....I look and there is NO DAMAGE to the van...nothing...not even a clump of fur...nada, nothing. So then I smile, and think "Sh*t Charisma, its all good"....then I turn my head and look into the field...and it is laying there on its side...not moving...nada, nothing.

I was pretty sure there is some "official" number you are suppose to call when you hit a deer...but I have only hit one before this...and my ex husband made me drive back to where it was, placed its dead, bleeding carcass on the hood of my car--where he also rode--so that he could eat it...Ummm in my world that falls under "road kill"...don’t care what you say.

I sit in the van staring out into the field, trying to figure out who the hell I would call...and I swear I see it's little foot move...Now...this is where the story takes a sketchy turn....for some reason--and I still do not know why...I think I need to get out, trudge into the field and "check out the deer"....What the hell I think I am going to do with it---I don’t know...have a I suddenly developed healing hands??? I am after all Kevorkian not friggin Doolittle.

I go out to the field, and I am talking under my breath and saying soothing things...cuz you know deer like that (???)...."Hey little buddy....sorry didn’t mean to clip van is fine, you should be fine alright Bambi?"....Now...once again...I must reiterate...I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT I WAS THINKING...I reach down and get about an inch from touching it....its eyes have been open this whole time--and no breathing that I can see....

AND THAT SON OF A (BEEP!) SHOOTS UP LIKE IT IS CARRYING THE DAMN OLYMPIC TORCH IN ITS HOOF AND IS GOING FOR GOLD!!!! didn’t fart, wheeze or cough when it took off...meanwhile I am pretty sure I did all of those things--and I hit the ground like I had been shot.

I am now laying on my a cornfield...pretty sure I pissed myself a little...screaming obscenities at the runaway deer...traffic on 26W is driving by....I lay there for maybe 5minutes...because I am old, and out of shape and I just know I am going to have a heart attack...then it hits me--- It was a decoy...the other deer’s are waiting in the other part of the cornfield that has not been plowed...and they are hungry for stupid human today....that gets me off my back.

As I am heaving myself up and shaking the various corn parts off of me...I see a semi loaded with grain, pull up to my van....I mean...really?...I am sure I looked completely deranged cussing, and stomping through the field...I had already decided that if God wanted to use my vehicle as the Kevorkian-Mobile...then it was possessed and nothing could destroy it--I was going to get in it, drive tthrough that field and hit that stupid deer again--and mean it this time!

The driver leans out his window and says (with a mouthful of SKOAL) "You got some troubles?"....I start giggling, and it sounded crazy even in my own ears...I say to him "You would not believe it if I told you."....he then says...."Well if you’re going to pull over to piss, you should try further down the field where it ain't plowed honey."...I look at him all indignant and say "I was NOT pissing..I was laying down thank you very much!!!"....then I stomp to my van and get in.

Roysdon/Struthers family eating ALOT of deer this year...even if I have to go off road to get me one.

Have a great day everyone....

Friday, February 4, 2011

Me, Myself & My Double Chin

 I started my diet today and have already been at my wits end about how to choose food correctly.  If I had my way I wouldn't eat at all...but apparently that isn't healthy.  People will tell you not to starve yourself, it will mess up your metabolism...Hmmm well models don't eat--they look like they survive on cigarettes and Spearmint gum.  My metabolism has been in a feud with my body since I was 10yrs old--and it is winning.

I have always said I am the heaviest anorexic you will ever meet.  It is a daily battle for me to eat 3 meals a day...I am always thinking "if I eat that much--can you only imagine how huge I would be?!".  I did the yo-yo dieting as a teenager.  My Mom was always on some kind of diet, and hell- I considered her thin, so if she was worried--then I better be damn well scared to death of my weight!  Mom and I have discussed this a lot...because now I have a daughter who is considered UNDERWEIGHT. Are you serious? I have learned that there is just as much pressure to STAY thin as there is to LOSE the weight.  My daughter has made her "thinness" become part of who she is....this makes me sad.  So I know I must stop the cycle of unhealthy eating habits now, before another generation is lost to it.  I think this is an extremely common occurrence in mother/daughter relationships. As she has grown up I have thought to myself : "Who is this long legged, thin blonde? Surely there is a tall, thin, blonde woman looking down at a short chubby redheaded child thinking the same thing."...was there a switch at delivery?

The only loves of my life besides my kids? Ohhh you know, the usual suspects--carb, carb, and more carbs.  I'm not even an Equal Opportunity Eater--I stick with the whites...bread, potatoes, pasta.  I snub my nose at green, brown and bright food...if its not drenched in sauce or butter--well quite frankly it is below me...I'm a food snob.

There will be some casualties with this diet...I will most likely be snappy...I will most likely binge...and if I can make it happen--it will be the death of my double chin. I lost approx 3-4lbs in boob alone approx. 3yrs ago, I thought "wow I can wear tank tops now and not look like a blow up doll!"....nope...I got fat. The Boob-To-Belly Ratio as I like to call it, was gone...when you walk around with 38DDD's like I did--that waist always looks thin...but now I see belly. Sigh...

So I am sure I will continue to write about this struggle...I have done all the diets, pills, work outs...but at the end of the day--I eat my feelings...and well...they are delicious :) I need to close for now, there is a big 'ole rice cake calling my name...I love those foam peanuts, I'm sure it is going to taste very similar. Yay me!