E: Is For Eternity, Eager and Elderly...12 RPAK Series...

I decided today to stop in at the nursing home to put in some more credit towards my "emotional community service hours"...I always walk in with the feeling of something unexpected is going to happen...I don't know if unexpected in my mind is seeing random old people wheeling around in the hallway (I like to secretly imagine them playing like a Mad Max ThunderDome wheelchair derby) or God forbid walking by a room and knowing someone has passed away.

I have a fear of elderly people...with good reason-anyone that follows my Facebook knows why.  But also because I have a fear of speaking to someone who potentially knows everything--like EVERYTHING. I am scared I am going to ask something stupid or offensive...hell I do that with people in everyday life let alone national treasures in a local nursing home.

So I was told to go visit a lady down the hall, who they felt could use the company and would hopefully not die, scream profanities (although I would have LOVED that) or call me by a long lost grand-daughters name.  I wont say the lady's name to protect her identity--as well as her families...who I might add--I do not know. So no fears everybody--your grandma was not chilling with my kooky ass today.

I came in the room...like I always do--very nervous and kinda doing this weird high pitch giggle that I tend to do when anxious...it usually happens at funerals. I am sure if that particular tidbit gets out--I will not be received as positively and be known as the Giggling Angel Of Death from that point on.

Anyways..."Bettie" as we will call her...is sitting in her room, watching Maury--I like her instantly because of this. I ask her quietly "Bettie--the nurses said you may like some company, may I sit down?". I figured if all else fails and she didn't talk I could watch Maury and find out if that one chick had to test another 37 men to find that baby Daddy. Win win scenario.

Bettie turns her head and looks in my direction but doesn't speak...I walk closer...she holds her hand out...I am now in full blown panic...is she blind? Crap...not because she is blind--but because I hate worrying about if I am screaming at her....because YES we all do it--admit it. Hellooo she's BLIND not DEAF.

I am now right next to her bed debating on touching her hand--she is looking right through me...I say "Bettie--I'm sorry, can you see me?"...she says...and I am not even joking- "Well of course I can--but your wearing a camo sweatshirt and you don't look like you hunt, so I thought maybe you didn't want to be seen!"...yep...I have won the old lady lottery. I plop my butt down and begin to bond with the elder version of my smart ass self.

Bettie and I talked for well over an hour...we talked about love, kids, politics (boy oh boy that was a hoot) and back to family. See, Bettie's family does not come and see her...they live far away, and in her opinion they wouldn't "come see me even if they were close by-because they are assholes"...(score!)...She told me not to wait for the love of my life...I needed to go find him, to think of it like finding that perfect dress...fits great, looks good on you, and it never loses its appeal....yep...she giggled alot while talking about this--and I have a feeling Bettie was talking more about anatomy then love for a dress.

She had me in awe...I knew I was in the presence of someone who had experienced life, and now...was experiencing the end of it. She had loved...she was a proud mother ("even if they are assholes")...she could make the best bread in IL...and she knew that if you don't laugh at least once a day-you will die. A theory I have subscribed to most of my life...besides I cry horrible...remember Facebook friends--"snot bubbles"...yeh I said it, Pam Sichts. :)

I had a moment driving to work where I realized she had a made a point to tell me to slow down...life will slip between your fingers...and we all know this--but to have it said by someone who is experiencing it currently...and wondering when the end is near....powerful.

We have become a world of "hurry!hurry! wait!" as I like to call it...rush, rush, rush...we tap dance in front of the microwave...we download songs/movies before they are released...we have CHILDREN having sex--if you are under 20yrs old--you are a child, get over it....why are you in such a hurry to experience something that doesn't even begin to make sense until your in your 30's (yeh girls...think about that for a second)...hurry and give our kids cell phones...how the hell did we make it??? Oh yeh--when the street lights came on in the summer, I got on my bike and took my happy ass home. Period! Pushing our children to adulthood as fast as we can...and pushing ourselves to never learn patience.

So before you go out and buy the fastest technology, the quickest cooking time, and complain about an early release movie not being early enough...go to the nursing home. I guarantee you will walk a little slower, love more thorough, and hold hands with your loved ones-instead of racing each other through life. There is no contest to get to the end of your life fastest...its called death--and its permanent.

I ask her if I can come see her again...her reply? "Sure kid, but next time bring chocolate."...and I will...and we will sit and eat every square as slow as we can.

12 Acts Of Randomly Planned Acts Of Kindness

Update: I will get the van back sometime in the next couple of days...there are no words to express how thankful I am. There was $1200.00 raised to help me-SO since I was threatened to not think about trying to repay this--I have came up with a solution, that will keep the "pay it forward" attitude going. For every $100 raised (which is 12) I am donating/volunteering an hour of my time to a charity.

I need each one of you to help me with this....I would like suggestions about where I should be sent next...I will be "blogging" and posting pictures about my volunteer adventures...so YOU guys control my destiny...Do you have a charity that you know needs help??? I am very creative, and I know I can help!!! So please--post your suggestions on my wall--along with maybe a story as to why you want me there....I am excited and anxious to begin this journey of repayment!

I think its going to be fun, and I am excited about it...we have been shown how the power of FB can be used for GOOD--not just friggin DRAMA---Soooooo now I am going to post once a month about my adventure and what I did :)...and you know it will have the "warped twist of Charisma" to it ;-p

Sometimes you Copy & Paste in real life

I have always been lucky enough to make friends easily...and even to keep them...I am usually the responsible one of the crowd--and have a tendency to become a "Mom" to everyone-young and old.  What can I say? I like my peeps dented and damaged...I may be able to fix them, ya never know.

There have been times where I feel like I have been replaced, that someone has stole my shine...and my friends don't need me as much...I feel like I have been Copy & Pasted right over. I think for girls/women this is a pretty common feeling...women are catty by nature-and very territorial.  Men may laugh at the territorial part--but good luck trying to get a pair of jeans from a chick that looks good in them, she will cut a bitch before she will loan them out.

This phenom doesn't just happen on playgrounds, slumber parties, or lunch tables....it happens at jobs, parties...and marriages.  I am currently going through a divorce and discovered a line had been drawn in the proverbial sand...there is a HIS and HER side now.  I hate this...hate it with everything I am.  I don't want to give up "my" friends to him...I don't like biting my tongue out of fear my secrets will be repeated by a friend that is now Switzerland in the proceedings.  I hate the friends who have had no interest in my ex, suddenly--cant live without hearing his voice...and don't call ME for months.

So how do you divvy up friends?  Is it like furniture..."well my Mom got this for me in high school"..."I bought this on vacation with MY money"...which friends are grandfathered in? How is custody decided?  He promises to give me one weekend a month where I wont run into him at one of their homes?

The only thing that makes this easier is the fact that in this process...I have made new friends...who don't care who I was married to, don't care to ever meet him, don't care that he may have won the popularity contest...

As for the friends that have made a decision to be on one side or the other....how sad...because quite frankly, the spouse and I are not on either side...we get along better then we have in the last 3 yrs...maybe because everyone has ran out of things to say about each of us...I don't know... Maybe because this was never "our war"-it was everyone else that had an opinion about our marriage...you know...friends and family that TELL you things you SHOULD know-whether its the truth or not.

I guess at the end.... I will take my side, defend it with everything I am...try to recruit...with promises of loyalty, laughs, and good will...and if all else fails...I have cookies on my side.

Thank you to the friends who never drew that line in the sand...who remained loyal from day one-to either myself or him....its not about how many, or even who...its about who genuinely wants the best for BOTH of us...and to the Benedict Arnolds I know...you shall miss me, and I am better off without ya...and PS...my cookies are friggin awesome..na-na-nana-na

So I wanna....

So I wanna hand out awards sometimes to people who have the most drama in their world...you know, the ones that are always in a feud, or have health issues, or money problems even though they are down at the bar every weekend? Thankfully, for all of us--their issues can be aired out in so many ways...we have Facebook, which is high school for adults...we have Twitter--which thankfully only gives us a BRIEF rundown on their issues....and MySpace...wait...what is MySpace again?

However...aren't we guilty of something as well? We are all watching and waiting with eagerness to see what that train wreck will post next? We subscribe so we don't dare miss one thing? Is it worst to be a voyeur into someones world--or an active participant in their issues?

I have become addicted to Facebook myself...I creep on people that I would normally have no interest in...I creep on people I will never meet in real life...just a morbid curiosity about what they did this weekend, did they go to the doctor like they were bitching about?...So I creep...and I creep...and I find my head filled with useless knowledge about 400+ people...I think Facebook is the average persons dirty little addiction. Its a popularity contest won by "likes" and comments...it is a narcissist dream world.


So by all means...keep updating...tell me why your boyfriend is a jerk...and then 23 minutes later post ILY...keep giving me graphic details about the birth of your 8th child, it was just as exciting 7 kids ago....and most of all...keep posting your complaints with your life, I need them like air...I am guilty of being fascinated by dysfunction...so please..keep updating...I need you to post...and you need me to creep.

P.S....thanks for creeping on me just now. :)

How, Come, For , Why?

I spent a good part of the night analyzing a conversation I had with someone this weekend...I hate when later you realize they were "saying something TO you"...not just flapping their gums. But actually, trying to make a point--and it doesn't hit your dumb ass until about 3AM.

So I laid in bed and thought of all the witty things I would have said--if I had been paying attention. All the hilarious comebacks, all the great advice I would have given...sadly, I'm pretty sure my friend was carrying on about "never getting any attention". I feel pretty bad now...

How come we ignore the loudest cries for attention...Do we have something in our brain that says "ignore this-or you will be hating life for about a month". Does it fall on the person who is always being "ignored" to maybe speak louder, be more entertaining, or learn to hold an audience attention.  I remember taking Speech class in high school and always vomiting right before I had to make a speech-now you would need a roll of duct tape and a taser to shut my ass up.

I sent a text to my friend at 3AM...I told her "hey-I kinda just now noticed you were looking at me to guide you thru something."....her response?...."Hell no, your more of a trainwreck then me-I just wanted to vent".

I now know why I ignored her cry for attention---I'm blessed enough to have always been a non-bullshitter...my friends know whether it is during the conversation, or at 3AM...they can say "Charisma...focus and pay attention to me-I need you". Or...they can reply to a random text at 3AM...which leads me to then wondering what the hell is wrong with me....

I fell asleep at 4:30AM this morning, after going thru my issues one by one........my friend is fine, she actually text me just an hour ago-and said "thanks for checking on me at 3AM, your a good friend"....too bad I'm not speaking to her for calling me a trainwreck, she said something else on the text about needing a drink--I don't know...I wasn't paying attention.

Welcome Voyuers!

The title of my Blog is pretty self explanatory--I will sometimes Rant, and I will sometimes just Roll with it. I have a tendency to do both at any given time.

I am hoping to shed some light on various topics...with a twist of humor, and of course deviant commentary. I don't always have anything useful to say-and will probably rely on some one hit wonders to begin with, but I hope you keep reading-I could say something astonishing at any moment, I can feel it :)

Please visit often, and all comments are welcomed...unless of course you are being an ass...and well, I will most likely laugh--OR you could become an instant star in my next rant...Hmmmmm