Me, Myself & My Double Chin

 I started my diet today and have already been at my wits end about how to choose food correctly.  If I had my way I wouldn't eat at all...but apparently that isn't healthy.  People will tell you not to starve yourself, it will mess up your metabolism...Hmmm well models don't eat--they look like they survive on cigarettes and Spearmint gum.  My metabolism has been in a feud with my body since I was 10yrs old--and it is winning.

I have always said I am the heaviest anorexic you will ever meet.  It is a daily battle for me to eat 3 meals a day...I am always thinking "if I eat that much--can you only imagine how huge I would be?!".  I did the yo-yo dieting as a teenager.  My Mom was always on some kind of diet, and hell- I considered her thin, so if she was worried--then I better be damn well scared to death of my weight!  Mom and I have discussed this a lot...because now I have a daughter who is considered UNDERWEIGHT. Are you serious? I have learned that there is just as much pressure to STAY thin as there is to LOSE the weight.  My daughter has made her "thinness" become part of who she is....this makes me sad.  So I know I must stop the cycle of unhealthy eating habits now, before another generation is lost to it.  I think this is an extremely common occurrence in mother/daughter relationships. As she has grown up I have thought to myself : "Who is this long legged, thin blonde? Surely there is a tall, thin, blonde woman looking down at a short chubby redheaded child thinking the same thing."...was there a switch at delivery?

The only loves of my life besides my kids? Ohhh you know, the usual suspects--carb, carb, and more carbs.  I'm not even an Equal Opportunity Eater--I stick with the whites...bread, potatoes, pasta.  I snub my nose at green, brown and bright food...if its not drenched in sauce or butter--well quite frankly it is below me...I'm a food snob.

There will be some casualties with this diet...I will most likely be snappy...I will most likely binge...and if I can make it happen--it will be the death of my double chin. I lost approx 3-4lbs in boob alone approx. 3yrs ago, I thought "wow I can wear tank tops now and not look like a blow up doll!"....nope...I got fat. The Boob-To-Belly Ratio as I like to call it, was gone...when you walk around with 38DDD's like I did--that waist always looks thin...but now I see belly. Sigh...

So I am sure I will continue to write about this struggle...I have done all the diets, pills, work outs...but at the end of the day--I eat my feelings...and well...they are delicious :) I need to close for now, there is a big 'ole rice cake calling my name...I love those foam peanuts, I'm sure it is going to taste very similar. Yay me!